Events

Monday, March 29, 2010

History Bullshit Watch: Mayan Mashup

The History Channel just keeps hitting bottom and digging deeper. Latest example: "Apocalypse Island," a crackpot program that devotes a full two hours to the crackpot theories of one James Turner, who presents himself as a pioneering archeologist of Mayan culture (his MA thesis on an aspect of the Dresden Codex notwithstanding, how many real scholars refer to their service on the college newspaper, their performance on the GRE test, and the fact that astronomical events occurred on their birthdays?).

The program begins:
Somewhere in the vast Pacific Ocean sits an island, which may hold the key to understanding the mysterious date of December 21, 2012. Explorer Jim Turner is on his way there, hoping to unlock the great mysteries of Mayan prophecy.
Well, the only thing mysterious about the date is why so many people think it has any meaning: the entire notion is entirely made up.

A nice example: the so-called archeologist and a skeptical companion are heading for the island, off the Chilean coast, said to contain an unexpected Mayan monument that is the key to all the apocalypse predictions for 2012 (you can see a solar eclipse and the transit of Venus from there; only from there, it is preposterously said, at one point). As they set out, the narrator tells us, in portentous tones, that that the trip will take 3 days, leaving only (!got that?) 5 days before weather and ocean conditions make the island unreachable. (Just to make sure that you get the point, the narration is often delivered in a particularly deep tone, with an added echo effect.)

To which, any rational person would reply: well, then maybe you and the producers should have planned ahead and thought of all that before you arranged for the boat and the tv crew! Either the timing was sloppy, or it is not an issue, in which case the narration is attempting to conjure up a drama out of smoke and mirrors. Sadly, this is typical of the breathless tone and disingenuous character of most of these pseudo-documentaries.

The archeologist, on the now-notorious ritual, in which the Maya king pierced his penis with a stingray spine, soaked a piece of paper in the blood, and burned the paper, on the bizarre assumption that the rising "smoke serpent" allowed him to speak with the spirits of his forebears: "Was it just a hallucination, or were they somehow able to communicate" with the spirits of their "dead ancestors"? Uh, I dunno, what do you think? You try it first, let me know whether it works.

And so it goes.

Okay, 90 minutes in (typical for these shows: there's never enough to fill the program without padding), and the big revelation is: the big rock might originally—kind of, sort of—have looked like a statue of a king with a crouching jaguar behind him. Can't tell for sure now, but part of the Mayan plan was to have this thing in an obscure place so that it would be revealed only now. O-kay.

So, end of the show: the believer believes he has found what he believed in, and the skeptical companion remains rather skeptical. Still looks like a big weathered rock to me.

The protagonist remains convinced this will be able to teach us "what will happen at the end of the world, according to the Mayan calendar." If you say so.

Damn, I spoke too soon: "wait, there's more!" as they say on equally plausible tv infomercials. It's all connected with a black hole. I should have known.

Tell you what: if I'm wrong, and the world ends on December 21, 2012, I'll buy you a beer.

7 comments:

mtbound said...

I couldn't agree more. This production was a complete waste of time. It was pure hype and conjecture. What a waste of time. This tripe would fit in well on the SciFi Channel...not on the History Channel. It shows how desperate this chimps are to get people to watch their crap. Desperation is a stinky cologne.

志義 said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Michael J said...

HOWDY READERS OF COMMENTS, IT HAS BEEN MY EXPERIENCE THAT ARTICLE COMMENTS ARE MORE ILLUMINATING THAN THE ARTICLES THEY COMMENT ON, SO BE IT..!

THE BIGGEST DANGER FOR EVERYONE EVEN PEOPLE SITING IN THE WINGS OF PROPHETIC REALMS IS MYOPIA, TUNNEL VISION..! ONE FOCUSES ON THE LEAK IN THE DAM WITHOUT LOOKING AT THE DAM ITSELF, THE LEAK IN THE DAM IS TELLING YOU THAT THE ENTIRE DAM ITSELF IS ABOUT TO BURST BUT IN YOUR TUNNEL VISION, YOUR FOCUS OF ATTENTION ON THE LEAK HAS BLINDED YOU TO THE CONDITION OF THE VERY DAM ITSELF.

THE DAM BREAKS, YOU DROWN, DESTRUCTION IS RAMPANT BECAUSE WHAT YOU FOCUSED ON WAS THE MICROCOSM OF THINGS NOT THE MACRO..!

WHAT IS THE "BIG" PICTURE..! JULIUS CAESAR,, NAPOLEON, ROMMEL, GEORGE S. PATTON, THE GREAT KAHN OF MONGOLIA, SPARTACUS, GERONIMO, GENERAL GIAP OF NORTH VIETNAM FAME, GENERAL ROBERT E. LEE, CRAZY HORSE ALL HAD ONE THING WORKING FOR THEM, THEY KNEW HUMAN NATURE, HOW TO DIVERT ATTENTION AND MAKE THE ENEMY FOCUS ON THE MINISCULE PORTION OF THE BIG PICTURE, ONCE ACCOMPLISHED "THE ENEMY" WAS DESTROYED, "WOE BE UNTO THE VANQUISHED..!", "HEY STUPID, I WARNED YOU BUT YOU WOULD NOT LISTEN, NOW ITS YOUR KARMA, YOUR CONSEQUENCES..!"..

SO MANY PEOPLE ARE FOCUSED ON THE MAYANS THAT IT IS ABSURD,GOOD GENERALS JUST LOVE ABSURD ENEMIES, THEY GET THE PLEASURE OF KILLING THEM, BEHOLD, YOU HAVE FALLEN INTO THE TRAP, THE AMBUSH HAS BEEN LAID PERFECTLY YOUR DESTRUCTION WILL BE TOTAL, "HA, HA, HA, SUCKERS..!"..!

ON THE CHESS BOARD YOU ALLOWED YOUR KING AND QUEEN TO CHASE A PAWN, YOUR QUEEN PERISHED, YOUR KING IS PUT INTO UNDENIABLE CHECKMATE AND YOU LOST THE GAME OVER A PAWN, YOU WERE BLIND TO ALL THE OTHER PIECES ON THE BOARD AND THEIR MANEUVERINGS, YOU HAD NO EYE CONTACT WITH YOUR OPPONENT..!

THERE ARE MANY VALID ISSUES ON THE CHESS BOARD BECKONING YOUR ATTENTION, IGNORE THEM TO YOUR DEMISE,YOUR PERIL, THE MAYANS AGAIN ARE JUST ONE PLAYER, A SINGLE PLAYER,A SINGLE PIECE ON THE CHESS BOARD, THE MAYANS ALONE ARE NOT THE ALPHA AND OMEGA OF PROPHECY..!

EXACTLY WHAT, RATHER WHO REVEALS THE UNSEEN INTO THE MINDS OF THE SEERS THAT MAKE THEM PROPHETS..? WHAT IS THE SOURCE OF THE PROPHETS DREAMS AND REVELATIONS IS THE REAL QUESTION, WHERE DOES REVELATION COME FROM, WHAT IS THE SOURCE, WHO IS THE SOURCE, AND EXACTLY WHAT IS THE EXACT PURPOSE OF PROPHECY..?

WHEN ONE BECOMES INTIMATE WITH THE SOURCE, THE WHAT AND THE WHO BEHIND PROPHECY THEN THE ONE WHO IS INTIMATE WITH THE WHO, OR THE AUTHOR, HE OR SHE HAS NO CHOICE BUT TO JOIN WITH THE PROPHETS..! ONCE THE UNSEEN IS SEEN AND UNDERSTOOD THEN WHAT IS SEEN IS NO LONGER PROBLEMATIC..!

YOU BECOME ONE WITH THE GREAT MYSTERY AND THE MYSTERY IS SOLVED, THE PROPHET IS NOW CHOSEN TO PRESENT THIS MYSTERY BEFORE ALL THOSE WHO ARE BLIND AND CAN NOT COMPREHEND THE MYSTERY, IT IS THE PROPHETS JOB TO FIND THE WORDS TO EXPLAIN WHERE HE JUST CAME FROM, HE MUST ATTEMPT TO EXPLAIN WHO IT IS THAT HE JUST VISITED AND WHAT HE SAW IN HIS VISITATIONS..! WHERE DID THE PROPHET GO IN ORDER TO RECEIVE HIS IMPARTATIONS OF ENLIGHTENMENT..?

THE PROPHET MUST MAKE WHAT IS UNSEEN SEEN THROUGH VERBAL COMMUNICATIONS AND THUS RELEVANT UNTO THOSE WHO ONLY THINK THAT THEY SEE, THIS IS THE BATTLE FIELD OF THE PROPHETS, THIS IS WHY PROPHETS ARE HATED, KILLED AND FORCED INTO HIDING. UNDERSTAND WHY MOST PROPHETS ARE RECLUSIVE DO YOU..?

WHAT IS THE SINGLE ENEMY OF ALL PROPHETS? EGO IS THE SINGLE ENEMY OF ALL PROPHETS AND PROPHECY, EGO..! EGO, THE PRIDE OF MAN, EGO, POSSESSIONS, EGO, THE ILLUSION OF POWER IN CONTRAST TO THE REAL POWER, EGO, THE TEMPORARY VERSES THE INFINITE..! ME, MINE AND I ARE THE WEAPONS OF IGNORANCE AGAINST ENLIGHTENMENT, THEY STOP THE DIVINE OSMOSIS, MURDER IT..! (ENTER THE CRUCIFIXION OF THE MAN JESUS OF NAZARETH..!)

SAINT JOHN WAS FORCED BY CIRCUMSTANCES TO WRITE THE BOOK OF REVELATION IN A CAVE TWO THOUSAND YEARS AGO AFTER BEING BANISHED TO THE UNINHABITED ISLAND OF PATMOS FOR A REASON..!

Michael J said...

THIS IS WHAT THE CHINESE BASTARD SAID, JUST ONE MORE REASON FOR 2012, HE IS A CHINESE SEX PERVERT, A CHINESE DOG WITH RABIES,YEP, CHINESE EAT DOGS, CATS AND EAT HUMAN BABY SOUP..!

I TRANSLATED IT BUT I WONT POST THE TRANSLATION, THIS CHINESE DUDE SHOULD HAVE HIS PENIS CUT OFF SO HIS MIND CAN BE FREE..!

SOON ALL THE FILTH WILL BE EXTERMINATED, THIS CHINESE DUDE WILL GO WITH THE EXTERMINATION..

tagskie said...

hi.. just dropping by here... have a nice day! http://kantahanan.blogspot.com/

Michael J said...

tagskie said...

hi.. just dropping by here... have a nice day! http://kantahanan.blogspot.com/

March 30, 2010 10:00 AM

tagskie, I WENT TO YOUR SITE, ZLNT LYRICS. BELOW IS A SONG FOR YOU BY: JANA MASHONEE: "THE NEW WORLD" ANOTHER ON IS "THE MEDICINE WOMANS VISION" AND "THE VISITORS" CHECK THEM OUT, JANA'S SPIRIT IS CLEAN, NO VICES, NO WHORE CAN SING A LOVE SONG, JANA IS NO WHORE, EVEN HER VOICE IS CLEAN, NO NOTES OF IMPURITY, SHE IS "REAL".. ONE MOR JANA MASHONEE SONG IS I BELIEVE,"THE TIME OF ENLIGHTENMENT", IT IS A SOUL GRIPPER..!
BELOW IS A LINK FOR JANA'S: "THE NEW WORLD" YES, SHE IS NORTH AMERICAN INDIAN AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL, CLEAN BEAUTY, NO PAINT ON HER FACE..!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LM_hC62TJvg

MikeNassau said...

Jim Turner took down his site on December 18. No trace of him. He said he would be on Robinson Crusoe Island at the rocks on December 21. Apocalypse Island information site:
http://apocalypseisland.webs.com/
Jim Turners old site:
http://www.apocalypseisland.com/